Happy birthday!

I've never really liked celebrating my birthday. When I was in grade school I did like the fact that in the evening most of my relatives would come over and give me lots of presents, but then on the Saturday that followed I got a party with friends. I didn't want my parents to know that I didn't have any friends, so I invited the kids that bullied me least. When we'd go to a swimming pool, a circus, or just play games a home. Only a few times kids invited me back, but I managed to always fuck that up. I puked on a boat trip, pissed my pants on the car ride back from the zoo, and refused to eat a hamburger because I didn't know what it was. I was ten years old and I had never seen a hamburger, slices of tomato or ketchup in my life and, having adopted my father's fear of 'strange food', I was the only kid at the dinner table who didn't cheer when my friend's mother brought in the hamburgers.

It was around that age that I started to have trouble making a wish list for my birthday. I've always been happy with what I already had and when finally I could come up with something, I got that for Christmas instead. It's quite unhandy to be born in the holiday season. Besides, I generally don't like receiving presents: if I ask for 'the very best of' album of some artist, then I already know that will get 'the best of' album which doesn't include the hits of the last five years. Of course, I can include that in the instruction, but even I can understand that that is too pedantic. Other presents I've received is kitsch to put on display in my apartment, because I'm "so crazy about art and design." I try to act grateful but I'm a terrible liar, especially when people ask me, "How do you like it? We saw it and we immediately agreed that you must like it a lot."

When I went to college I made many friends and so I finally looked forward to celebrating my birthday. But then a new issue presented itself: because of the busy holiday season some people already had other things planned, and the rest didn't commit to come until they were sure most of the group would. No one wants to travel through bad weather for a dull party so everyone would decide at the last moment, depending on the decision of the majority. This meant that either four people would come to my party or twenty-eight, but a day in advance I had no way of telling which. What does one do with drinks and bites for twenty-four people who don't show up? Most people came and some accidentally damaged my furniture and smudged my walls. Indeed, that's a students' party. My friends didn't have any respect for each other's possessions.

When I turned 23 I celebrated my birthday again for family and friends. By that time I lived with my boyfriend Ralph and because I wanted at least half the invitees to be able to sit, we had to spread the party over four consecutive Saturday evenings: family, colleagues, couples, singles. Of course, on the last of these nights, with the singles, the apartment was partially demolished. Nine months later I got my master's degree and decided to celebrate that in a café and pay for everyone's drinks and snacks. That was much cheaper than I had feared and a lot more fun. It was also nice to see my family and friends mix.

For the next ten years I celebrated my birthday only with my boyfriend, my parents and the in-laws. For some reason there were lots of silences, my parents always went home quite early, and the in-laws stayed the night because they lived too far away. Then I broke up with Matthew and I stopped celebrating my birthday altogether. It's somehow sad to be home alone on your birthday, so last year I made sure that I was abroad with my boyfriend Erdem.

This year I knew what I did not want:
- skip my birthday
  I longed to finally have a fun birthday celebration for once
- only invite family
  Because my family consists only of my mother and her boyfriend
- discrimination between friends
  all my friends and acquaintances should be welcome
- a damaged apartment
  It should really be celebrated somewhere else
- split it up in several parties
  One party is enough and sometimes it can be fun when worlds collide.
- presents
  I never know what to ask and I always get lame presents

I decided to celebrate it in a my favourite bar for everyone who liked to come. It was a nice opportunity to have my family, straight friends, and gay friends worlds collide. It was definitely going to be expensive but it should be worth it. Seven weeks before the party asked some of my closest friends and the most fun people if their could keep that date free. But of course it was the holiday season so most of them already had something planned on the only two suitable dates. To have a birthday party without them wasn't fun. I was sure only faint acquaintances would show up to bring lame gifts in order for a free night of drinking. Moreover, I didn't want the worst of all worlds to collide, and so I cancelled my plans.

On the weekday of my birthday I put on Facebook that I was going to have a few drinks in my favourite bar in the evening, and to my surprise most of the fun people and close friends showed up and most faint acquaintances stayed home. It was a great night: by far the best of all my birthday celebrations. And you know what? Most people even managed to buy a present at the last moment and all were things I very much liked. Hurray!