Excerpts from a night out

In this posts I will omit all the interesting parts of my conversations with Jake last Friday night, and leave you with the parts related to love and sex.

For those who are new to this blog: Jake is a guy I dated in October and November of 2008 (see Sexy boxers). Then all of a sudden he didn't want to see me again. After he had made clear he was not interested in me in 'that way' anymore, and implied that I was too old, we started going out in January, but now as friends. After going out I often slept at his place, in his bed, and sometimes we would have sex. We never talked about that and for some reason we never French kissed.

Our friendship has deepened during the first half of this year. He comes to me for relationship advice and wants my opinion on different subjects. However, ever since he had a new boyfriend, we hardly ever met up in real life anymore: we only chatted on MSN. Then, after consulting me, he broke up with the boyfriend about a month ago. Three days later he soon invited me over for cocktails. It was confusing. I think I wanted him and I think he wanted me, but as I didn't dare jeopardise our friendship nothing happened (see Cocktails).

...

I was sitting in a train to a bachelor's party sports activity last Friday when I noticed I had missed a text message about half an hour earlier.

[5:09 p.m.] Jake: Hey Jack my appointment has been cancelled. Would you have time to have like a drink together?

[5:47 p.m.] Jackdaw: Sorry, I've got other plans until about 10pm. After that?

[5:49 p.m.] Jake: Sure :) Text me when you're ready.

[5:50 p.m.] Jackdaw: Aye

...

At 10:11 p.m. I called Jake.

Jackdaw: Hi Jake. Sorry man, I'm stuck in a small village here, so I will be back in the city somewhat later than I initially thought. I will certainly be back before midnight. Is that too late for you or do you still wanna go out together?

Jake: No, man, that's fine. How does Reynolds Square sound?

Jackdaw: Yeah, that's fine. Let's meet in our usual bar at 11.45 p.m.

Jake: Are you coming by bus?

Jackdaw: Yes.

Jake: Then I'll pick you up at the bus stop on Reynolds Square.

Jackdaw: Okay. Can you do me another favour? I'm going directly from here and I just showered. Could you bring some hair gel with you?

Jake: Sure. See ya!

...

I was half an hour early, but Jake was probably already on his way. I decided to wait patiently. He seemed to be late, but then I got a text message.

[11.53 p.m.] Jake: Hurry up, man! :P

I called him.

Jackdaw: Where are you?

Jake: The bus stop on Reynolds Square.

Jackdaw: No way, that's where I'm standing!

Jake: I'm in front of the Hilton.

Jackdaw: That's not Reynolds Square, that's Oak Square... Let's walk in each other's direction and meet up halfway.

...

Jake: Nice to see you. But what were you doing over there?

Jackdaw: That is Reynolds Square,... where you would pick me up.

Jake: I'm thinking from different frame of reference. When I meet up with friends on Reynolds Square, we always meet up in front of the Hilton.

Jackdaw: But it is a different square. You know that, don't you?

Jake: It's just a different frame of reference...

Jackdaw: You've got a pretty head; too bad it's empty.

Jake: Well, I also mix up King's Square and Oak Square.

Jackdaw: Have you brought the hair gel? I look horrible.

Jake: You do! Here, fix yourself up before more people see you like that.

...

Jake: So, how will you get home tonight?

Jackdaw: I'll take a taxi or a bus. Well, it's gonna be a bus.

Jake: You could sleep at my place. I have to work in the stand near your home tomorrow. I could give you a lift tomorrow morning...

Jackdaw: That would be great. Thanks.

Never before had he thought about my trip home until after the last drink. And never before did he invite me explicitly: he always indicated that I was welcome to stay the night but had me ask for it. This time we hadn't even had our first drink when he raised the issue, which wasn't really an issue at all. "He's horny," is what I thought.

...

Jake: Do you see that dark-haired guy in the corner? I chatted with him a few days ago.

Jackdaw: I've chatted with him once too, but he didn't seem to be very interested. He looked great on his profile photos.

Jake: Much better than in real life. That's for sure.

Jackdaw: Some people are just very photogenic. I envy them (see Moving pictures).

Jake: You are far from photogenic. Not that you look bad on photos, but you look very much better in real life! By the way, thanks for your help with my new profile pictures. I suddenly get flooded with messages, continuously.

Jackdaw: Good for you! Anyone interesting?

Jake: Nah, most of 'em are old.

Jackdaw: Thirty plus?

Jake: Make that fifty plus.

...

Jake: Look over there. It's our old friend with the stutter.

Jackdaw: Yeah, I said hi to him a few minutes ago.

Jake: I don't even remember his name.

Jackdaw: Timmy, Timmy Flint. He works in health care education, but that time when we spoke, he was looking for another job.

Jake: How do you remember all that!? You only talked with him for a few minutes and that was half a year ago!

Jackdaw: I'm a former teacher. Remembering names was part of my job.

Jake: He's not that interesting. Remember when I went to talk to him back then in Confetti Bar when he was standing near the entrance? Within two minutes I was bored with him.

Jackdaw: In my "frame of reference" you offered yourself to him for way more than two minutes back then, and now you are sour because he rejected you and you don't realise that it was not about you, but that he was just having a good time with his friends and you interrupted that.

Jake: I don't like him. And he's a bit fat.

Jackdaw: So now that you went from the top of the body-mass index' normal range to the bottom of it everyone else is suddenly fat?

Jake: Timmy really is a bit chubby.

Jackdaw: Not at all. And I think he's cute. Maybe a bit arrogant, but cute.

Jake: He's too fat for you too.

Jackdaw: Is not.

Jake: Is too!

...

Jackdaw: When I returned from the restroom a girl was shamelessly flirting with me.

Jake: Lucky you! The girls here are better-looking than the guys. Although, I did see a few attractive ones.

I pretended to look around for the "few attractive ones" and adjusted my clothes with a teasing smile.

Jackdaw: Did the gel help? Is my hair even remotely acceptable?

Jake: Don't you worry about your looks!

Jackdaw: If you see anyone interesting that you wanna make a move at, it's okay with me. If you wanna take someone home, no problem, I can easily take a bus to my place.

Jake: No! I'm out with you, and I already offered you a place to sleep. I've had the opportunity before, remember? And then I also told the guy that I was with you. He wanted me and I gave him the choice between a threesome of nothing (see No horror after all). I'm not into one-night stands anyway.

Jackdaw: Who says it'll be a one-night stand?

...

Jake: Do you see that guy over there with the middle parting? He's ogling me the whole time. It's so annoying.

Jackdaw: I didn't notice, but now that I looked in his general direction he won't stop ogling me either.

Jake: Why doesn't he just walk up to me. He keeps standing there, staring at me. It's so annoying.

...

Jake: I did like the guy with the middle parting.

Jackdaw: Fuck off!

Jake: No, really, I think it was cute how shy he was.

Jackdaw: I think there was nothing cute about him.

Jake: At least he showed some interest, and that's nice. And it's good for my ego.

Jackdaw: You must be kidding!

Jake: No...?

Jackdaw: My God, Jake, there hasn't been a moment this evening that no one was looking at you. It's just that they don't do so when you look in their direction.

Jake: Really?

Jackdaw: Last time we went out, you talked with a few guys and each used their elbows to push me away and position themselves between us.

Jake: Wow, I swear I wasn't aware of that. Otherwise I would have told them not to. It's flattering though.

Jackdaw: Y...

Jake: What?

Jackdaw: Nothing.

Jake: You are gonna finish that sentence! You know I can make you do so.

Jackdaw: Okay. I was gonna say that in all three bars that we visited you were easily the best-looking guy around. That's not just my opinion: judging from the looks you get, other people seem to agree with me. I can't believe you didn't notice any of that. They don't flirt with you because, I guess, they think you're with me.

...

Jackdaw: If you should take some initiative yourself, you could get any guy you wanted. But it seems you prefer being seduced by others. In that case you have less choice...

Jake: You're right, I do like that better. I'm no good at the seduction game.

Jackdaw: I'm not sure you have ever really tried it. There is a great way to practise without being paralysed with nerves. Try it on someone who is gonna turn you down anyway, pick someone who's completely out of your league. Because you already know he's gonna turn you down, you won't be nervous. I did that once and to my surprise I had talked him into my bed within three minutes (see Love in the fast lane [2 of 2]).

Jake: Yeah, I know the story.

Jackdaw: Actually, it only happened twice in my life that I took someone home from a bar.

Jake: The other time was the seventeen year-old (see Barely legal)?

Jackdaw: Yeah. Well, to quote him, he was "eighteen-so-it's-legal".

Jake: But you didn't fuck him, did you?

Jackdaw: No, he wanted to but it didn't fit. I haven't fucked in ages.

Jake: Me neither.

Jackdaw: Is that 'fucked' or 'been fucked'.

Jake: Either. Anyway, I think fucking is something you only do in a serious love relation.

Jackdaw: That depends. To me being fucked is far more intimate than fucking. I felt the same way you do about the exclusiveness of anal sex. But I can tell you that when you're single for twenty months you tend to relax that notion a bit.

Jake: I understand that, but I'm still at the point where I only want to do that with a long-term lover.

Jackdaw: ...

Jake: ... or someone with whom I have a very deep bond of trust and understanding...

...

Jackdaw: David, the Eastern European guy I regularly chat with (see Two taking a plunge) told me to hurry and find myself a husband. He thought that at my age you have to have a partner or you'll grow old alone.

Jake: That is probably the case where he lives.

Jackdaw: I guess so. I'm not worried about that, although I don't wanna date guys in their early twenties anymore. They do live in a different world than I do, and it just can't work out. For most guys your age, study, going out, and sports are all they can relate to. I think the reason that you are more mature is that you have your own business beside school, travelled a lot, lived together for a few years, and you are clever.

Jake: I know what you mean. I'm also bored with these guys, I'm sick of always being the responsible one, the one taking the initiative in the relationship. I'm looking for someone a bit older, with more life experience, from whom I can learn a bit: someone wiser than myself, who can take the lead.

...

Jake: I'm knackered. Sorry Jack, I'm going to sleep right away.

Jackdaw: No problem. Sweet dreams.

In turning Jake's back touched my hand or the other way around. Jake hit my hand away with a smile. I touched him again, this time consciously on purpose, and got the same response. We repeated this once more.

Jake: Are you horny or something?

Jackdaw: Yep.

Jake: I'm sorry, I really wanna go to sleep.

Jackdaw: That's okay. Sleep well.

Jake: ...

Jackdaw: ...

Jake: What was it that you wanted to do?

Jackdaw: I had nothing specific in mind.

Jake: Oh... I'm really knackered.

Jackdaw: Then shut up and go to sleep. I'm not desperate for sex or something.

...

Jake turned around and I massaged his back, legs and butt, and rimmed him. He's very fond of rimming, either way.

Jake: I feel guilty about lazily enjoying everything you do and not returning the favour. C'mon let me rim you. I'm going to sleep immediately after that though; I'm so tired.

...

After rimming me, Jake was lying in my arms. He took my cock and pushed it against his anus.

Jake: Your cock is so much thicker than mine...

I held him tight with one arm while the other hand explored his body. I rubbed my cock against his ass in the same rhythm that he rubbed his ass against my cock. Both of us were half asleep, until Jake raised his voice.

Jake: That's not save, you're halfway in.

Jackdaw: Oh, shit! Do you have a condom?

Jake: Not in your size.

Jackdaw: Don't exaggerate, it's not that big. Condoms are elastic, you know.

Jake: My ex-boyfriend was too big for them, and you're way bigger than him. Just forget it.

Jackdaw: Damn, I took my condoms out of my jacket pocket before going to the bachelor party.

Jake: If you get on your stomach, I'll fuck you instead.

I turned on my stomach.

Jake: Are you serious?

Jackdaw: Shut up and fuck me.

...

He fucked me, but didn't cum.

Jake: I think it's easier to cum when bottoming, don't you think.

Jackdaw: What you are saying is that you're more bottom than top.

Jake: Yeah, I guess so.

Jackdaw: I prefer being top (see Top/Bottom/Versatile); we did it the wrong way around.

Jake: Down boy, down, you've already cum! Maybe someday you can try and fuck me again.

Jackdaw: I have no doubt that that is going to happen soon.

Jake: I don't know. I think it wouldn't work. You're not dominant enough to handle me.

Jackdaw: You got that wrong. I just don't wanna force you into things you might regret...

Jake: Yeah, yeah, yeah,... ruin a friendship... yada-yada-yada... show respect... yada-yada-yada... hurt your feelings...

I wanted to respond by pushing him on his stomach, holding him by the wrists and fucking him bareback, because apart from it being the best response, it is that I really wanted to do. I have no doubt that he longed for the exact same thing. Too bad I don't fuck without a condom.

...

The next morning I discovered two spare condoms in my wallet. Yes, I'm an idiot.

Jake: Too late...

He was right, but I will fuck him sooner than he thinks.

...

Jake is more sensitive than the pretends to be. That's why I'm careful with his feelings and give him room to really be himself with me. I'm a control-freak in the process of learning to suppress the urge to control. When I'm with other control-freaks, like Jake, I try extra hard to not take over.

Half a year ago we shared a cannabis muffin after drinking loads of vodka. Jake had a bit of a bad trip, but begged me to fuck him. I tried, but he had no lubricant and saliva was not enough to get it inside of him. I hurt him and I gave up, while he still begged me to go on (see Bad trip). A few days later, he blamed me for abusing him while he was stoned. So, ever since, when we're in bed after having been out drinking, I'm a bit extra careful not to mindlessly obey his wishes.

I think that Jake's remark, "You're not dominant enough to handle me," was not restricted to sex. I think I need to take that seriously and drop part of the soft behaviour. Another indication was "I'm looking for someone a bit older, with more life experience, from whom I can learn a bit, someone wiser than myself, who can take the lead."

I'm not overanalysing, right? He's practically begging me to court him. However, I'm not so sure whether he's the right guy for me. I think I prefer to have him as a friend, and courting him may well destroy that friendship forever...