There's this thing with me and photographs: I'm not so photogenic and because of that, I generally avoid photos being take of me. Indeed, I only have four digital photographs of myself that I like. As I'm usually smiling in real life, I only have one pic where I'm not. That one I took using the bathroom mirror only hours after breaking up with Matthew (see Love in the fast lane [2 of 2]).It's like the Mona Lisa smile, everybody has a different interpretation of my expression in that picture: strong, sad, hateful, dreamy, horny, arrogant, hurt, angry, compassionate, dominant, or on the edge of bursting into tears. No one sees emotions like these in any of the other pictures. My friends tell me this is a bad picture of me, but -- stubborn as I am -- I wanted the opinion of strangers. The people who actualy know me, see through my face into my known personality; strangers see things friends cannot.
I discovered a site when you could have your pictures anonymously evaluated for attractiveness on the standard scale of 1 to 10. I submitted three very different pictures of myself, to be judged by other gay men. After a few weeks I checked the grades resulting from a few hundred votes: the two smiling pictures received a 7.4 and 8.1, whereas the one my friends hated got a 9.6. People particularly admired my blue eyes, full lips, and wrinkle-free skin in that photo. A downside is that some people mistook some of the light-reflecting blond hairs for grey. So be it.
I used to be afraid I would be recognised if I used my photograph when talking on chat sites. Later I realised how silly that was: I have nothing to be ashamed off. Since then I used the picture without a smile in my profile while chatting. Often people will ask me if I have any more pictures of myself. Usually they ask this for one of three possible reasons: (1) to check whether I'm really the guy in the picture or just stole one from the internet, (2) to get a better idea of what I look like, and (3) to see if I've got nude pics -- which I don't.
If, after seeing my non-smiling pic, someone wants to see more, I give him a link to a site there all four pics can be found. The response is almost always the same: "Sorry, you're not my type." As it turns out, on the smiling pics I look a bit effeminate. My friends don't see that, because they know I'm not. This may be the reason why the non-smiling pic attracts mostly bottoms while the other ones attract tops. A funny thing is that when I don't show the smiling pics until after the date, guys tell me they prefer these, that they show the happy-looking guy I really am and that there is nothing effeminate about my smile at all.
I have since found a way out of this situation: I now chat with my webcam on instead of using a profile picture. It turns out that moving pictures give exactly the right impression, i.e. I look more like I do in real life. That has its consequences as you will read in my next post.
4 comments:
I used to have my picture on Hot or Not. I think I still have my picture on Hot or Not, I still get the e-mails four years later. Through the course of the week of voting, my non-smiling picture went from an 8.5 to a 9.6 to a 5.9. Emotional rollercoaster! I used to think it takes a brave person to have their looks be judged like that, but that all changed when I started going to the clubs. When you first meet somebody, especially a gay guy, if you look at the expression on their face, you can tell if they think you're a 9 or a none - and that's life. As much as the 5.9 day freaked me out, I couldn't believe that some anonymous, impartial jury could ever think of me as top-tier as a 9.6. I support your camming endeavors, because if you're like me, you're way hotter in person. We're 12's!
Ryan,
Hot or Not? I don't know that site, but indeed it sounds somewhat similar. However, the grades only appeared after the statistical noise had reduced, i.e. if enough people had voted. After that if would not move more that 0.2 and later it would stabilise completely.
I know some people who always look much better in photos that they do in real life... I'm so jealous! The thing is that after you die, people have only your photos to remind them what you looked like. Did you know that Joseph Merrick was actually a very handsome man?
Okay, I remember your pics clearly.
In the non-smiling one, you looked quite quite unhappy. And you didn't look quite as good as, if I recall correctly, you do in your full-shot. Which was splendid!
And in EVERY pic, your blondes look like greys! Might want to do something about that, if it bothers you :P
And no, you do not look effem in ANY of the pics.
My tuppence :)
Hot or Not works the same way, Jack! Your picture has to be voted on by 100 people before they let you have a firm result. Mine still went up and down. Love me or hate me is a big theme in my life.
Ha, I had to google Joseph Merrick to see who that was because I'd never heard of him. Umm... are you sure? :) Although, I did happen to notice in the picture that the fingers on his right hand are shaped like penises. That could be good.
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