A few days ago my mother told me she had ran into some former neighbours, and asked if I still remembered them. They owned the local pub across the road in a village where we only lived for two years when I was still in primary school (see Long ago: Spilled ink). Somewhere in her story about catching up with them my mom mentioned the 'key club'. I didn't know any club by that name, so I asked for an explanation and got one.Over thirteen years ago we moved to aforementioned village when my father found a new job as an office manager there. Some sports and social clubs invited my parents to join. When they heard about the long waiting list for these clubs with 'common' villagers my parents felt uncomfortable, but my father's boss insisted that my dad accept some invitations in order to build a social network that would benefit the business.
The key club didn't even have a waiting list: 'common' villagers were simply not admitted. At regular dates the key club members assembled in the local pub for drinks. When entering, the men would throw their house keys in a bowl, and at the end of the evening the wives would take a random house key from the bowl and go home with its owner. Need I say more? My parents kindly turned down the proffered membership in the key club and joined some sports clubs instead, where physical exercise had a different nature.
The thought of not being able to choose your sex partner horrified me. Moreover, I realised that the majority of the notables in the village had sex with each other's wives. If those were the sexual morals in this conservative but friendly, large village thirteen years ago, then I don't want to think of what kind of clubs exist there now, or worse, in other places. Those filthy heterosexuals should be ashamed of themselves! I sure am glad I'm gay.
The key club didn't even have a waiting list: 'common' villagers were simply not admitted. At regular dates the key club members assembled in the local pub for drinks. When entering, the men would throw their house keys in a bowl, and at the end of the evening the wives would take a random house key from the bowl and go home with its owner. Need I say more? My parents kindly turned down the proffered membership in the key club and joined some sports clubs instead, where physical exercise had a different nature.
The thought of not being able to choose your sex partner horrified me. Moreover, I realised that the majority of the notables in the village had sex with each other's wives. If those were the sexual morals in this conservative but friendly, large village thirteen years ago, then I don't want to think of what kind of clubs exist there now, or worse, in other places. Those filthy heterosexuals should be ashamed of themselves! I sure am glad I'm gay.
10 comments:
how the tables turned! Men are still filth, whether gay or straight!
Haha this most straightforward example of heterosexual "moral" is just what is needed for your discussion with UnsungPsalm in one of the previous posts!
Hmph. That's what he intended to do, Vladimir!
I'm just about to delete this blog from my bookmarks :P
I'm thankful though, that there are no such clubs in my country. I'm not saying that the heterosexuals here are perfect, but more or less, they are.
And I'm not saying that all homosexuals here are promiscuous, but more or less, they are.
Anyway, I really do give up! If you believe that gay men are as commitment oriented than heteros, then so be it. To each, one's own. One can only decide one's own morals, not another's.
I think it is a mistake to treat all the kids of fidelity as equivalent. Physical fidelity is simply not all that central and not the sine qua non of love. I suspect that very few men in loving permanent relationships stop masturbating? Is cumming in your own hand all that different from cumming in some other guy's ass?
I may be guilty of a self-serving dishonesty here. I now pfficially qualify as an old fart who has lived his entire sexual life in the closet. I had a wife and four children, all of whom I loved deeply. I discovered/acknowledged my sexuality at a time when the option of coming out simply did not exist, and I certainly was brace enough or foolish enough to abandon those loves for the occasional flash of physical gratification.
Undoubtedly, I needed to convince myself that the occasional secret betrayal wasn't really all that important. Perhaps I was wrong. But, I suspect I was right.
Deceit is a more complicated moral issue than infidelity.
Sam,
Man, do I feel like repeating the gay-straight discussion I had with UnsungPsalm, but now with men-women, even though you have a slightly, -- though not much -- better case here.
The fact that I have only one woman a call a friend doesn't really fit the stereotype. I happen to know that you have more women among your friends, so I'm quite sure you know the dirty minds of women all too well.
Vlad,
That's no coincidence. The list of things I want to write about is much longer than the 'to do' topic list in the right-hand bar. After UnsungPsalm mentioned gay sexual morals indirectly, I chose to write three posts that had something to do with our discussion.
UnsungPsalm,
Delete the bookmark to my blog? Thank God I removed that sentence on the bottom of the post, just before I posted. It was: "UnsungPsalm, eat your heart out. :-P". I don't like smileys in my posts, unless they are in quotes, and without the smiley is sounded a bit harsh, so I removed it. Moreover, I felt it polarised the already polarised discussion we had even more.
I like, no... I LOVE playing the devil's advocate, and that tendency arises when I read "most straight men" or "there are no such clubs in my country" and I wonder if you did that research all by yourself. You are, by the by, very good at ignoring any of my arguments that are in favour of your opinion.
So, what did I want to make clear in the last three posts:
In Cruising I wrote about how uncomfortable Jake and I are with the morals of some groups of homos.
In Boy toy I focussed on the fact that people can have the completely wrong notions about the private life of others, even people they think they know very well.
In The key club I both show how there can be sex clubs that no one knows the existence of except for a carefully selected group, and that straight people can have weak morals too.
Besides, you read my post on Gay pride so you should know that my opinion on the matter does certainly not completely oppose yours.
Lastly, I want to stress that however strongly I oppose and ridicularise your arguments -- not your opinion -- it's mostly tongue-in-cheek: I do respect you a lot.
UnsungPsalm: sometimes I really envy your idealistic approach, your amazing belief in humanity. Really, you have to have only the best assumptions to think that there are no clubs like that in your country based on the mere fact that you are not aware of their existence...
Jack: I realised that it's far from being a coincidence...
Sheesh!
For the third time, I'm saying that I give up. You guys probably don't know my country at all.
What it is known for, instead of "Key Clubs", is beating up people who commit adultery. People can get overly judgmental, and frown upon the sight of a married woman even casually hanging out with another man apart from her husband... And divorce was heavily condemned till recent years, and coupled just lived together unhappily, for the sake of not having to enter into a divorce and tarnish their reputations...
This is the way things work here. Not the best, of course. But then again, one has heard of all of this but NEVER come across "Key Clubs"...
UnsungPsalm,
Your last explanation is actually quite convincing. And you are right let us let this topic rest. For me a discussion is never intended to get others to admit that I'm right, but for myself and others to share insights and review the arguments that their opinion is based on.
Unsung: I am originally from "your" country, and I know for a fact, that swinger clubs were popular in our country, specially in the 70's. I know of many many heterosexual married couples who did have sex outside of the marriage. I myself have been propositioned a few times by married women neighbors and in fact, a few of my friends did take up those propositions.
Well, maybe I'm just too naive. I've never heard of swinger clubs at all!
But did nearly all heterosexual people, single or couples, sleep around? Was it even half as rampant as it is in our community?
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