Coming out: Harry

During the first year of college, one or two afternoons a week, we did lab work where the twelve of us paired up in groups of two. I never worked with one guy, Harry. He wasn't very talkative and my hunch was that, while he seemed a nice enough guy, we didn't have much to say to one another. However, in spring, when Victor suggested the whole class go off and play tennis, Harry was one of the eight people who joined. He and I played a long match and we had great fun. After the match we had our first real conversation and he turned out to be an interesting guy with a great sense of humour. I was particularly struck by his ability to capture somebody random with a few choice, funny words.

One evening, few weeks later, Victor, Harry and I went to a funfair somewhere in town. The three of us were sitting in a car waiting for a thrill ride to start when suddenly Harry asked me to travel around Europe with him for a month during the summer. My expression must have written him off as crazy, because he quickly added that he'd explain his invitation after the ride. This weird proposal was the result of logical reasoning. Harry explained that it's not unusual for friendships to end after going on vacation together: being friends doesn't mean you can get along day and night for a month. On the other hand, if you travel with someone you hardly know, it may turn into a friendship; if it doesn't, at least you haven't lost a friend, you've just failed to make a new one. After hearing his explanation, I immediately said 'yes'. I had no plans for the summer, was intrigued by the logic behind the proposal, and I believed that every now and then one should do something crazy without thinking too much about it. The two of us travelled through Europe for a month that summer and became friends.

Harry is half Japanese, half Caucasian and quite handsome. He combines the best physical features of the two races. Back when I got to know him, I had not yet started oogling guys, and even now when I know somebody well, I cannot see their appearance without their personality shining through. So, when my first boyfriend, Ralph, told me how hot Harry was, I could acknowledge the many attractive features and his perfect, slightly muscular body, but I just couldn't see him as a hot guy, because he was... Harry.

Harry preferred keeping private things private, so it took us all quite some time to find out he was dating Carol. He also disliked people touching him, so he was appalled by what he called the "homo-erotic acts" of Job and company (see Butt buddies). When I came out, I wanted to tell Harry in person because he had slept in a tent with me for a month -- something I thought he would never have done if he had known I was gay -- and he should be prepared for what people might say about that after I came out to the rest of the world. I was expecting a negative reaction, but he was actually impassive: it didn't seem to make any difference for him. I could have hugged him, but I decided not to.

Harry and I are still friends, but we haven't seen much of each other since graduation. It doesn't help that his long-time girlfriend and I aren't very compatible. I think Harry is one of the nicest people I ever met.