Whenever I meet up with my best friend and former boyfriend Matthew, his current boyfriend Joey always comes along. In the beginning Matthew and I used to have nice conversations, but every time we did Joey seemed to get bored within a few minutes and would start to hug and kiss Matthew, effectively ending our discussion. Unless we are talking about hot men, awful comedies like "Little man", or my sex life, Joey complains that Matthew and I are being too intellectual. And so Matthew and I don't talk much anymore when Joey is around: the only real conversations that we have are over the phone when he's driving to work or back home -- the only alone time he has.Joey always asks if I have met anyone since the last time we talked. Usually I have. He then begs me to tell him about it, saying that he also tells me everything about himself. That is not true, apart from saying that Matthew and he have sex on a daily basis, he doesn't tell me anything. In fact, he lies to me about almost everything (see A steamy weekend) trying to seem more proper and straight-laced than he really is.
Sometimes I'm just sick of his lies and tell him to stop lying and just tell me the truth or tell me it's none of my business. His reaction is always, "Ask Matthew," who then gets angry at Joey because at home Joey made him promise to not tell me anything.
When Joey begs me to tell him about my most recent date I usually tell him the first name, age, and ethnicity of the guy and a bit about meeting him. Joey doesn't seem to really listen: he looks another way or plays with his phone and every now and then, and at the strangest moments interrupts with an absentminded "And then?"; sometimes more than a minute after I finished the story.
Even though my stories never last more than a few minutes, with each one Joey will ask me four or five separate times about my date's age and ethnicity, despite my inevitable inclusion of that data in the body of the anecdote. He asks, I answer, he forgets, he asks; I can see it annoys Matthew too. Then Joey asks what we did in bed, and I tell him we didn't do anything special; I never give him details, however much he begs me to. Then we asks me for a photo of the guy, which I never show.
Ever since Joey came out to Hadeel (see What a bitch!) and two other colleagues of Matthew's half a year ago, Joey claims to feel sick every time Matthew and I want to meet. A month after the surprise party (see Surprise?) Matthew ignored Joey's feigned sickness and invited me over. They had been abroad for the weekend and so had I, so we all had some stories to tell.
Joey didn't care to say 'hello' when I entered. Then they showed me the photos of their trip. Joey wore big sunglasses or made faces is most of photos that featured him, except for one. We passes that photo and suddenly he wanted to go back to it and asked my opinion about it. "You look good in that photo." Joey giggled like a schoolgirl and whispered something to Matthew.
I wanted to prove a point, and so I asked him to forward the photo to me.
Joey: I'll send it later tonight.
Jackdaw: It's easier if you do it now, just right-click on it and...
Joey: No, I'll do after you've gone.
Jackdaw: You said that about a year ago about another photo and you never sent that one either. Why would you say you're going to send it, when you know you are not going to?
Joey: I am going to send it, but just not now.
Jackdaw: Why not?
Joey: Why do I have to send you a picture at all?
Jackdaw: You don't "have to", I just asked you to and you said 'yes'.
Joey: Of course I'm not gonna send it!
Jackdaw: So, say that in the first place instead of making an empty promise. What's the point of that? You could just have said 'no'.
Joey: I was afraid for this discussion. Why do you want a photo of me anyway? I'm not attracted to you (see A steamy weekend).
Jackdaw: Because in my digital phonebook I have a picture with every name, except yours.
Joey: I'll send you another one later, not this one!
Jackdaw: We've been through the "will send you" routine already. You know you are not gonna send me anything, so don't say you will. Same thing with your promises "I'll call you back" or "I'll pass the message to Matthew", you have never done so. Moreover, every personal question I ask you, you answer with a lie. I've tried it, I've tried very hard to treat you as a friend, but I just cannot bear your distrust and dishonesty anymore. If you'd think it over, you would see that no one near you has been as reliable and trustworthy to you as I have, even though I had the most reason to be hostile (see Love in the fast lane [2 or 2]). I don't deserve this treatment and I won't take this crap any longer. Good bye!
I left and went home where I called Matthew to say that when we got together in the future I didn't want Joey to join us. I briefly got Joey on the line but he said that I was the one who should apologise, because I was the one who walked away. However, he also added, "You are the only person in the world with whom I can really be myself." "I hope that's not true," I responded, "I hope that the asshole I got to know is not the real you."
Matthew tried to moderate the fight and told me that Joey's personality and mine just don't match well. He said that because of all the fake friends in my youth (see Long ago: Coke and cake), I'm very suspicious when friends lie to me or treat me badly, and that Joey is just very secretive for no reason, often presents faked emotions, and has the empathic capacity of a brick. Moreover, Matthew acknowledged that Joey behaved differently to me than to anyone else, and that it annoyed him too. Because of Matthew's intervention, Joey and I have made up, and I agreed with Matthew that Joey and I should meet up as soon as possible to talk things out. Even though we live in the same city and they have no social life, it has taken a month to progress to the agreement to have our meeting.
And about the photo: Matthew had told Joey that he looked hot in that picture. That's why Joey asked my opinion on that photo twice, and that's why he didn't want to send me a copy, afraid I would use it for masturbatory purposes. Just to be clear, it was a normal photo with a plain background and the only one of Joey where he didn't wear sunglasses or made funny faces. There was nothing particularly sexy about the photo.











